so hurry hold me
my dad hugged me. for the first time in so long. and held me to his chest, i could feel his heart beating and i was crying so hard that i couldn't breathe. didn't matter that it was just the two of us sitting up in the middle of the night. didn't matter that i had just cut. didn't matter that i was scared because i saw how much i needed something. nothing mattered except that he said it's ok. except that he said he loved me. and at that moment he was to me the person he used to be. i loved him for it and hated myself for it all at once, but that's not important. the pain is still there; 10 minutes doesn't wash away what months and years has built up. but he said he loves me. and in his arms i felt how small he is, yet -- he has so much power to make things better. i can't explain it.someday the two of us will be ok together again and someday. i'll be ok too. i'm reaching for hope and when i find it, i won't let go.
all my love to YOU always,
*bex