i write these letters to you

i feel that i'm struggling against so much right now. struggling against emptiness, struggling against numbness, struggling against loneliness and pain and desperation and apathy. fighting it every step of the way. and it's ok; it's ok. in between all of it i'm finding joy and i'm finding peace and that makes the fighting worth it. and always, keeping this in mind: the best is yet to come. as a Christian that's infinitely true. the best is yet to come, no matter how bad things get.

::oh heart of mine
why must you stray
from one so fair
you run away
and one more time you have to pay
the heaviness of needless shame

oh heart of mine
come back home
you've been too long
out on your own
and He's been there all along
watching for you down the road

so come home running
His arms are open wide
His name is Jesus
and He understands
He is the answer
you are looking for
so come home running
just as you are

oh child of God
so dearly loved
and ransomed by
the Savior's blood
and called by name daughter and son
wrapped in the robe of righteousness

so come home running
His arms are open wide
His name is Jesus
and He understands
He is the answer
you are looking for
so come home running
just as you are::
--chris tomlin

that's the song that brings me to tears every time. because it's so true. and this also: "Sing for joy, O heavens! Rejoice, O earth! Burst into song, O mountains! For the Lord has comforted His people and will have compassion on them in their sorrow. Yet Jerusalem says, 'The Lord has deserted us; the Lord has forgotten us.' 'Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for a child she has borne? But even if that were true, I would not forget you! See, I have carved you on the palm of My hand.' -- Isaiah 49:13-16

i am jerusalem. that's me speaking those words, thinking somewher in the recesses of my heart that God has forgotten me. (as peter pointed out to me) thinking that He is fallible. when He's not, and never has been. and never has forgotten me, when the very idea of doing such a thing is beyond His imagination.

i have so far to go. but when you bottom out the only way to climb is up.

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