for your entertainment
i'm still short on words.how can i write what's inside when it's too personal for even myself to view? bear with me: i'm protecting my own innocence. (protecting it from myself.) what can i say?
i could say that my uncle is dying again. he got the liver transplant that he needed but how he has cancer again and he can't receive the chemotherapy that he needs because he's too weak from the transplant. so what saved him is also killing him. a little too ironic...isn't it?
i could say that i have two more days of work and then i'm going on vacation with my family for two weeks. this could either be: (a) a dream come true, (b) the nightmare trip from Hades, or (c) some of both. most probably (c).
i could say that a few days ago john and i celebrated our 8-month anniversary, which is also our unofficial 15-month anniversary. woohoo for us! =)
i could say that turtle got a paint job on his car and now he drives it around like it's tha pimp-mobile or something. yeah with radiohead blaring out the windows. (i swear, that boy is obsessed with radiohead. john you know what i'm talking about. it is scary.) and i just ride along and try to keep thom's good old voice from invading my consciousness.
i could say that there's this little kid i teach at night, a tiny bundle of blonde curls green eyes the biggest smile in the world. he's three and his name is jack and if i could i'd steal him away and keep him for myself. he's so precious.
i could say all of that because it's my life, or at least parts of my life. but what's inside i cannot speak. if you think you see through me, you're wrong. and if you think you understand me, you're wrong. you don't.
this is where i say i've had enough and no one should ever feel the way that i feel now. a walking open wound, a trophy display of bruises and i don't believe that i'm getting any better... so don't be a liar don't say that "everything's working" when everything's broken. and you smile like a saint but you curse like a sailor and your eyes say the joke's on me.
looks like this time the joke really is on me.