not yet
i have been thinking, remembering things....when i was a little girl, i used to play the piano in competitions. this was when i was about seven to when i was thirteen or so. i wasn't some sort of musical prodigy, but when i was entered into those competitions, i would practice and practice the pieces until they were perfect. anything less was simply not good enough for me. for some of the competitions, i would play only two songs; for others, seven or eight. when i competed at Guild, i had to learn the scales also, the majors and minors and know them off the top of my head. we always had to memorize the songs, to avoid the nuisance of turning pages. because the piano that i have (and have always had) is old and somewhat out of tune, and all around just a bla sort of piano, when i knew my pieces perfectly, my dad would take me to play them at the memorial student center up on campus. the flag room in the MSC is huge and elegant, with a two-story ceiling and the shiniest wooden floors. off to one corner is a grand piano -- probably my favorite piano anywhere. i would sit there and play the songs i had learned, a small girl who sometimes had a hard time reaching the pedals, and the music would flow out and up and around that room, and it was perfect. people would stop to listen and my dad, or sometimes my whole family, would stand and listen as well, and i was so proud, not because everyone was listening, but because i could hear it for myself, and hear that it was beautiful and flawless. at that time, the only thing i cared about more was singing. sometimes, when i was a bit older, i would sing and play for people, at my teacher's christmas parties or her big shows at the baptist church. one of my sisters learned to dance, another of my sisters did gymnastics, my brothers played baseball; but, for me there was no choice -- it had to be music, always music.
i gave it up for the most part when i got to high school, partly for lack of time and partly for the general perception on behalf of my parents that music was never a "sure thing," and therefore i would do better to invest my time otherwise.
six years later, i can still play, i can still sing, but there isn't that air of perfection, as if i've given up the art of learning and practicing.
this is all to say that i'm thinking about things, and about words that have been said, and i'm missing it and wondering what it would feel like to go back to it after all this time. maybe i'm wondering if i have the guts to give it a try.
(happy birthday, my lovely annie!)