sometimes the years
stabwounds will take their toll murderer with her smile and as an afterthought she kept the heart he gave her beauty can be so cruel she once swore him forever to make good on her word ensured he'd never leave her she lies and whispers loving words he lay bleeding on this floor a sigh a kiss will end his pain and (she) drives the blade deeper still come closer to me crimson streaks the pale skin of her face from the spray of blood from his throat his eyes ever questioning why she swore never to leave him. [the agony scene]i feel that i am the girl in that song, maybe i am. the past is eternally hard to let go of, especially if you can't forgive yourself for it. people have always told me, "it wasn't your fault," but to my ears that's a cop-out answer because you weren't there. and people have always said, "you were just a little girl," but that also is only a trifling detail. you weren't there to see what happened.... it was only me, and him, and a few cold brick walls. and as much as i want to hate him, i hate myself more, for being who i am, for being who i've always been. you can say whatever you want, but if you had been there to see for yourself you would know, and you would blame me just as i blame myself. you might understand why some things have happened since then; you might in general understand a whole lot more if you had been there too.
but you weren't, and you don't know. only i know and it's something i carry around in my head or in my heart, depending. it is the scarlet letter i've painted across my own chest; and i know you would say it's the past, i know you would say just leave it. i do believe i've been forgiven.... maybe someday i'll understand how to let it go and maybe someday i'll understand what it means to forgive myself as well.