if it were mine to give, i'd give you your own time
why do i have such a hard time getting to know people? i used to have the easiest time making friends, i used to love making people laugh and being the one to do all sorts of crazy things, and now... now i can hardly find the words to say, even to people that i DO know. my sister came up to the university today, ate lunch while i was in one of my classes, and then we sat around together for awhile until i had to go again. but the entire time, there was such an awkward atmosphere, an air of silence hanging over us in which all i could do was stare at my drink. wishing that i had something intelligent to say, anything at all, hoping that she wouldn't see the cuts peeking out from underneath my sleeves, hoping she wouldn't ask the wrong questions and cause the panic to rise up in my throat. she was talking to me as i tried to listen, but her words sounded as though they were traveling miles upon miles before they reached my ears, and i couldn't comprehend any of it. i feel so horrible, she's so lovely and deserves so much more than what i give her.today is a nothing day and i remember nothing and feel absolutely nothing except the burning as i pull my bracelets away from the sticky cuts on my wrists.