surreal
today was the most...insane day...i'm coming so close to just floating up here above consciousness somewhere.i just tried to write about it and then erased what little i had going because it hurts too much to speak of. it was just a whirlwind of confusion and anxiety and signing papers that i didn't want to sign, driving places i didn't want to go, feeling as though i was forced to make decisions for myself that i didn't want to make -- and all to keep myself out of "the hospital."
there's a disturbing little pack of zoloft on my dresser which i want to flush down the toilet.
hurts too much...
hurts too much...
if i didn't have you, i don't know what i'd do.