your tricks are cheap and i hate them
i don't have any words right now... i'm tired out, so tired of trying. i need to find a way to make myself care. about tests, and medicine, and life in general. i felt so dead in church today and i just want to feel something again. (something besides self-inflicted pain.)if i had something to throw then i'd be smashing things up right now. but it only stays in my head and beats itself out there. and i take it all in stride; every person has his own demons to stand down. i'm just no different.
once john and beth and i went out and bought a bunch of apples and some cheap cans of soda and went to the amphitheater park and smashed stuff all over. "anger management" is what john called it. that was before he and i were going out, but can you see why we are now? he's such a great guy.
at the moment i'd give anything to be over at the amphitheater covering walls in some serious applesauce.... oh look at that; i guess i found some words after all.