we'll watch the same sunset
it's raining out. i want to go and sit in it, get soaked until i'm shivering cold and then just -- just, lay there and shiver. that's all. or, i want to lie down on the floor, because it's hard and keeps my head from drifting off so much. i would but i don't have the energy. not even the energy to get up and go to sleep, because sleep changes nothing, and i'm tired of that. i feel like cutting, and i may, but i'm almost too tired for that as well. i want to be held and yet what i really want is to hurt so bad that i can feel again. not in my skin, not the piercing of sharp objects against my flesh, but deeper, that place that i'm always trying to reach -- never succeeding. in my mind now i see that dark road lit with only the stars, lined on either side with trees, and we're driving away from it, toward city lights; in my mind i hear the music of the piano, drifting again, and i want to cry but i have no tears. it's all so lovely, so lovely that i laugh, because it's not -- not real. and i see it anyway, i dream and its in my head and it dances before my eyes, i dance with it as i lie here on this stone cold floor. don't wake me in the morning; i'm already gone.sometimes i just don't know where i'm at.