it's over now
today is one of those days where you wake up feeling the emptiness in your stomach. hear the rain pouring down outside. it makes my heart hurt.and i'm wondering about love. how much of it we choose and how much of it is beyond our control. and whether or not that really matters. because i'll wait forever, whether i'm choosing to wait or not.
"she didn't move. so...she was an old fool. all of the worries and expectations that had been moving through her mind gave way to a wave of loneliness. she thought she might cry, but she did not. a pain formed behind her eyes. walking as though she were in a dream, she opened the kitchen door and went out to stand on the back porch. the world was dark. not a single star shone in the sky, and the blackness of it seemed to stretch on forever. she suddenly felt very small. all around her, she knew the world continued to move but she felt as though she were standing still; it moved on without her."
that's from something i'm writing -- the old woman story. it's still a work in progress.
i'm trying not to hurt myself. but your words twist the world around and it just hurts too much not to. i'm tired, tired of living with you in this house, please leave me alone tonight.
i love you all