refusing pain
my mum asked me to bleach her hair for her. yeah. that's what i was thinking: are you sure? but she said, yeah she was sure. so i did. and her hair turned out very punk rocker, all platinum colored. my dad was rather shocked. but somehow we managed to fix it and now it's a nice shade of strawberry blonde. my poor mum doesn't like it.yes i have a confession to make: i've shredded my arm. i don't know where this came from, i thought it was so far gone from me and yet it never really was. one slip and i've taken the blades to my arm, a slice here and a slice there and the blood pouring down and i couldn't stop. and i hate it, i hate it, i want to feel something other than pain. i want to be ok. ::if i get up i might fall back down again, but let's get up, come on. if i get up i might fall back down again, we get up anyway...:: and i will get back up, try again because it's all i can do. and you don't fail until you stop trying.
i am my own person. i can make my own decisions. i can have my own values. i can live up to my own standards. i can be someone. and i can be good enough for myself because i don't have to be.
and i can get my bum out of here and drive home before the road freezes over!