sad like winter leaves

*tired. he stood in line at the grocery store. a bottle of wine and nothing more. an empty apartment to go home to. it'd been that way since nineteen seventy-two. a line on his face for every year she'd missed. a scar on his arm for every time he tried to follow her. a tear in his eye for every day gone by. going home to no one and still you could hear him cry. if i brought you down. if i caused you to drown. he's sad like winter leaves. but she won't leave his mind tonight. he stares upon her picture on the wall. and then begins to cry. let it go. he wakes to the sunrise. a broken glass upon the floor. the salt dried upon his cheeks. we've seen this all before. let it go* --benton falls

this song reminds me of you. of your pain. do you remember the time we drove down texas ave in my truck, running red lights and stopping at green ones and laughing till we cried. seems so long ago now. and you've been so close to my heart, part of my life for as long as i can remember. look at you now -- what happened? years ago at brownwood we sat in a circle in the girls' cabin and cried together. talked about God and life. you spoke of your father and how much he criticized you, how you never seemed to be good enough for him, how you just wanted to know that he loved you. i wish i could have made him see how much you needed him (and still do). i know all along you've been looking for something to fill that void -- anything -- and this is where you've landed. my heart breaks for you. more than anything i want to rush in and save you, but how can i? i can't even put my arms around you; you don't know that i know. i promise i'm here for you, if you ever need me. and i love you no matter what.

and this song reminds me of you, too. and your pain. i sat on the couch with you today and heard the anger in your voice, saw the cuts that filled your arms and the tears you struggled to hold back. and it kills me that he did this to you. your own father! and you were only nine years old, so innocent. you spoke of how you wanted to hold a gun to his head, not to kill him but to make him understand what it was like to be scared and helpless in the face of someone bigger, stronger. he was your father; he should have been protecting you. and instead he stole what should have been only yours to give. now the pain doesn't leave, tormenting you so many years later. will it ever? i wonder, and i hurt for you, and i wish i could do more for you than just listen. you've been so kind to me though we hardly know each other. strangers but lives touched. you've already made such an impact. with all my heart i pray that you'll be healed.

and this song reminds me of you. and of your pain. though you try to hide it or pass it off as forgotten. i know better than that. dreams were destroyed by words that were spoken, your heart forsaken and abandoned and stepped on so many times. again and again you waited, and again and again you bled because of it. but she won't leave your mind tonight, will she? for all the hurt you've struggled to give away, i hurt for you. i haven't been there for you like i should have all along but i'm here now. past everything, i love you. and wish you the best, because i know it's out there waiting for you. someday you'll breathe again.

if it's my place in life to hurt for people, then i don't mind. more than that -- i'd count myself blessed. because everyone needs someone to hurt for them, don't they? and it's what Jesus did for us while He was here -- hurting for us, with empathy, and compassion. more than anything that's what i want for my life.

turn my heart inside out so i can live again. (and i, i really want to know You.)

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