breaking ties
*EMOTIONAL MATURITY*1. The ability to deal constructively with reality.
2. The capacity to adapt to change.
3. The capacity to find more satisfaction in giving than receiving.
4. A relative freedom from symptoms that are produced by tensions and anxieties.
5. The capacity to direct one's instinctive hostile energy into creative and constructive outlets.
6. The capacity to relate to other people in a consistent manner with mutual satisfaction and helpfulness.
7. The capacity to love.
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there's a little more therapy for you, if you want a way to measure how "grown-up" you are emotionally. i guess, according to that, that i still have a ways to go.
blair and i were talking today about growing up -- really and truly growing up -- and that whole process. like her, i think i've got a soft spot for being taken care of. and i'm tired of it. i want to be on my own, making my own decisions and living by my own standards, and taking care of people instead of being taken care of...in some ways my parents want me to be independent, and in other ways they won't allow me to. i'm 19, old enough to be married and have kids; in fact, i've got friends my age who are married and have kids. but to my parents, it's a different story. i won't be an adult in their eyes until i'm about 30, maybe even 40. i love them to death, but i do need my space.
i've been feeling nautious when i wake up in the mornings for some reason, and the other day as my dad was driving me to my early class, he asked me if john and i had been "messing around." and i was like, "no, why?" i thought for a minute and realized that he was asking if i was PREGNANT. he must have thought that my nausea was morning sickness. i almost started to laugh, it was so funny, and he was so sincerely worried about it. my poor dad probably lies awake at night worrying that he's going to be a grandfather any day now. well unless you can pregnant from kissing, he has nothing at all to worry about... then the other day i told my mum about that, half laughing because of course i am not pregnant, but she only gave me this look that said "hey, you never know." i said nothing but it hurt me. what does she take me for? sometimes i doubt that i'll ever have her trust.
i'm learning to handle my own hurt and my own loneliness, without anyone's help, and no one needs to worry about me. i'm alright; i really am.
don't take this wrong -- i'm not saying i don't need you guys, because i really do. you all mean so much to me and i couldn't have made it to this point without your help. i love you more than words can say.
i'm moving forward....xoxo