michelle with one "l"
same hold from the same hand, five years strong, many times over and gone. it's everything that i have to beat bridges much stronger and wide. fewer and farther between we meet again. i'll try to do well on my own. distance between's never been this far. i realize that this time was something that i always knew, only a fool wouldn't see. might as well start my drinking days now if i'm really alone. it's tempting. am i asking too much to keep you at arms length? am i asking too much to keep you at home? please don't go. i know it's gonna be fine, and i know this is what's right. please don't go.dangit i love the get up kids. that's such a beautiful song.
my chinese angel-baby has gone home. i miss him already; i'll miss going to bed and seeing him sleeping there so innocently. but, i'm exhausted. there are only so many things you can do to entertain a kid. (unless you're rich; then maybe it's different, but i wouldn't know.)
people have this funny thing about making up spiritual gifts when they want or need you to help them out with something. they're only kidding but i find that hilarious. as if there's some secret chapter of the Bible that lists all the gifts that were left out in the other chapters, things like passing out church bulletins or setting up chairs or who knows what. in that case my spiritual gifts are folding brochures and having an inane amount of patience with overly active, obstinate, and/or rebellious children. maybe that really is a gift because i'm not sure it comes naturally to me.
while i was taking care of the little guys this weekend there were so many times when i just felt like screaming at the top of my voice: DO IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IGNORING ME AND EAT YOUR VEGETABLES NO YOU CANNOT STAY IN THE POOL ANY LONGER GET IN THE CAR AT THIS EXACT MOMENT OR I WILL PUT A HOLE IN THE WINDOW WITH MY FIST!!! AND STOP SHOUTING! STOP BEING SO NOISY! STOP RUNNING IN CIRCLES AND BEHAVE YOURSELF!" because honestly sometimes kids just don't do what you want or need them to do. instead, this was more what i sounded like: ok guys, come on. it's time to get out of the pool. come on. let's go please. look at me. [i wait for him/her to look at me.] i said right now, please. time to go. no you may not slide down one more time. it's time to go. no, no more times. next time ok? let's go put your towel on... hey let's eat your vegetables ok? look at me. [i wait for him/her to look at me.] you need to eat all of your vegetables. ok let me help. [i pick up a fork, scoop some vegetables and aim it toward the kid's mouth, making train noises.] open the tunnel, the vegetable express is coming through... let's get in your carseat ok? because we need to go. because you have to sit in it. because it's not safe if you don't. because we might get in an accident and then you would be hurt really bad. so get in please. let me buckle it up. sit up please. sit up. hey you're being silly, goofball. sit up ok? right now please.... the whole time i felt like i was swallowing my impatience and speaking through gritted teeth (all though i wasn't.) and i was thinking, be firm, be cool, be fast.... when stephen's mom came to pick him up today, i told her to call me anytime she needed a babysitter. and i meant it; i really did. i just kinda hopes she waits awhile before she calls again...
i have to drive back from new braunfels tomorrow after (hopefully) picking up my car, so i better get some sleep now. i love you all.
xoxo