don't say a word
this ocean of pain washes over me and i am engulfed. billy i miss you so much. it's not the same without you here. we sat in the living room, mum and dad and grandma and i, in the living room with all the lights turned out and we spoke of you, talked about how everyone is taking it without you here. grandma was talking of how you were in the last few days, those days in between when i last saw you and when you took that final breath, and she said: "he said, 'i can't die, mom. why can't i die?'" you were in that much pain. you longed to die. for that reason i'm so glad that you've finally gone, because we live for the hope of heaven, and i know that for you heaven is no longer hope. it's reality.yet everything seems to be falling and with my whole heart i'm so glad you're home but i ache. these are things i can speak of to no one because they hurt too much and life no longer seems to matter without you here; i no longer want to carry on.
oh God this hurts. i miss you so much.