cupcake explosion
the other night i was talking with luke, about how everyone has their share of pain in life. we were talking about hard times, and how you can still choose to rejoice in the middle of them, and how sometimes you just have to hang in there and get through it. that's something that i'd say luke has the ability to talk about -- he's been through quite a lot. all the same, i find it increasingly harder to be real with people. i hate being thought of as sad, i hate the stigma that having been in a psych ward gives you, and how people feel that they have to be "careful" with what they tell you, about themselves or about you. sometimes it's just easier to be more of a loner, and to always say, "i'm great," even when you know you aren't. when you become that way, something in you changes. people will mention it every now and then; turtle tells me i'm not as "huggy" (haha i don't think that's a word but ok) as i used to be. my dad says i seem to be distant, to not care as much toward people as i used to. he says it worries him.i told him, "it's hard to talk with people. i hate for everyone to think i'm always sad."
he said, "bec everyone has their plate of sorrow. that's just a fact of life."
meaning i suppose that having been through hard times can either make you bitter, and distant, or it can make you more empathic, and by saying so he was also showing me that i have the choice between those two. at times i feel myself venturing back and forth, in spite of knowing what i want to do. it's a difficult line to walk.
on a brighter note, amazing race is tonight and my HG is gonna win! woohoo! (more on that later...)
i love you all!