cold war transmissions
i found out today that my sister joy's boyfriend has been arrested for car hopping. (i actually found this out a few days ago, but at the time i knew only that one of her friends had been arrested -- not that it was her boyfriend.) i've never met him, but from what i've heard, it seems that he's been at this for quite some time. since he is 17, he'll be tried as an adult, and in the meantime he's in jail. his bond is set at $4000, and his mum doesn't have that sort of money; neither do i, or i might be willing to help him out. for now it looks like he'll be in jail for six or seven months awaiting only his trial, and then he'll probably serve a much longer sentence after that. joy is devastated. poor angel, i feel so much for her. it's not that i don't think that cody should be in jail or anything, but i can imagine how it would feel to be her and to know that he will be there for possibly a very long time with little or no contact between the two of them. i am so, so sad for her. the last few days she comes up behind me and wraps her arms around me, leaning into me, and i can feel how hard this is for her. my parents know that cody was arrested, but what they don't know is that cody is joy's boyfriend in the first place. (if that sounds weird -- well it's not hard if you're one of seven children and you go to public school.) and i have my reservations about 17-year-olds being tried as adults. maybe i'm out of line here, but when i look at my sister i can't help thinking that she's still a kid. i think i'm more in support of drawing the line at 18, when a person is technically given the status of "adult" anyway. i suppose that's a bit pointless to think about though, since even if he weren't being tried as an adult, he would probably still be locked up in juvie. anyway like i said, his name is cody; please keep him and joy in your prayers.i feel a bit out of sorts. there are so many people i want to take care of right now. i have the capability to do it, to speak the right words or make the moves and undo everything that has happened in past days and weeks, but at the same time, i cannot. i choose not to. no matter what i do or don't do, you can be certain i love you. nothing changes that. words would never explain this to you so i won't try.
it kills something inside of me to be this way.
[and if this is our last goodbye, let me kiss your lips of red tonight and walk the other way; run away, run away. this is our last goodbye.]