the tenth
in my mind i write page after page of the words we no longer speak. i see you, and i clamp my lips together to avoid letting my feelings leak out. there are the cliche walls of silence, an awkward space hanging in the air, filled only by avoided glances and forced breathing.i miss you.
remember the time -- i could say that about a million things. now remember the time we went to king dollar; it was such a hot, sunny day. the store was filled with people, and we filed up and down the aisles, picking things up and putting them down and laughing at all the strange or ugly ones. on the far wall where all the cheap toys were hanging, there was a pack of square transparent plastic rings -- pink and blue and green and yellow -- with little plastic eyeballs glued on top. i picked them up and laughed so hard i thought i would cry. you saw that i liked them and bought them for me; out in the parking lot under the heat of the sun i slipped one on my finger and couldn't stop looking at it and laughing, giddy like a little girl. you laughed too because you thought i was silly and because i was happy, and in that moment i knew you loved me so much. i still have those rings -- i still love to wear them. i gave the pink one to beth, and one of the eyeballs fell off the blue one, but i still love them and think of you whenever i see them. remember that?
there are so many things i wish i could say to you.
where are you and I'm so sorry/ I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight/ I need somebody and always/ this sick strange darkness/ comes creeping on so haunting every time/ and as I stared I counted/ the webs from all the spiders/ catching things and eating their insides/ like indecision to call you/ and hear your voice of treason/ will you come home and stop this pain tonight/ stop this pain tonight....
i do. i miss you.