you're such a pretty girl but so ugly when your face is twisted in mockery

"there was a time when you would come and go/ now there's no time left to react/ just as it starts to heal in comes a bitter end/ well you were already to leave my side and then... you're coming too close and I can't pretend/ that I'll pick you up or let you come in again/ we've been through this before, so please understand/ that nothing in this heart can save you from the pain you seek/ if you pick up the phone please don't call on me... no one can save you from the undertow/ nobody can blame you for the past/ just as I started thinking "Everything's alright"/ you showed us surely that your tenth time was your last... yesterday I saw you falling to the ground/ seems like things get worse when no one is around/ it's not OK... you're coming too close and I can't pretend/ that I'll pick you up or let you come in again/ we've been through this before..." ~no use for a name

i've been here before. here in this exact same situation. and every time, i swore to myself that it would be the last -- that i was done being so open, done being so understanding and done allowing people to use me in which ever way made them happiest, regardless of how it affected me. i'm such a liar. even as i promised myself, i knew i wouldn't really be able to close my heart off so tightly. so yes, i expected it to happen again eventually.

i just didn't expect you to be the one on the other end.

so this is what i get: harsh words and cruel accusations. an argument that i couldn't win or even appease, no matter what i do. a voice raised in anger that i can meet with only silence.

and why -- why -- am i walking through the mall on a thursday night with you following a few feet behind, yelling at me to stop ignoring you and say something, as if i'm a child, as if i mean nothing to you, as if you couldn't care less that every person anywhere near us can hear you belittling me. kristen walks apart from us, hurrying ahead to talk to the guy at the counter, because she is embarrassed for me, embarrassed at you, and doesn't know what to do. i'm at a loss as well; every time i open my mouth, you interrupt to accuse me of something else, to tell me that i'm full of crap and that you're not stupid enough to believe my lies.

i'm not lying though. you aren't making any sense to me. i don't feel like i know you anymore.

and i hurt for you but i don't know how to help. nothing is enough to you. haven't we been through this before? we have, oh so so many times -- but never toward each other. you're coming too close, love, and nothing about me is a safe bet.

maybe i'm wrong but this isn't how i would define being best friends.

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