because it's just a matter of time
you can take your eyes from me now. i know you're watching and waiting for everything to change but i fear you're only wasting your time. let's try and see things realistically here, shall we?but no, i can't. because what i see is too much, it's beyond my comprehension; people are always telling me to stop thinking about things but it never ends. never stops pressing down on my head trying to be figured out, just like the pain that won't stop pressing down on my heart, trying to be let in. in your eyes i can see this, the hollowness there and the way you're trapped. i'm reaching to touch you but the surface is as cool as glass. and you've organized your problems into tidy little boxes and labeled them all neatly, as if that would somehow contain them. cry when they escape again because you're too overwhelmed to do anything else. turn in shame from these arms that are reaching and soon enough you doubt your own ability to be reached. this pain engulfs you until you've become the very things you hate, and self-loathing is the epitomy of the image you find in the mirror.
but look at me -- and if only i could show you the world through my eyes.
everything's tumbling caving in head over heels spinning me crashing along with it. too close to breathe and anxiety grips my chest over, and over. it's all i can do not to hang my head in defeat. but still i'm crawling, still reaching. for sooner or later i'll turn and love you the way you deserve. sooner or later (if sooner is never) you'll see me when you look at me. until then hold onto these words:
because i love you, and i care.
=====
"Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to breathe Because I've crushed myself with everything I've ever done wrong. I'm a failure in my own mind and I need to learn how to forgive myself."
-- december disillusion