say goodnight
::how can you see into my eyes like open doors/ leading you down into my core/ where i've become so numb without a soul/ my spirit sleeping somewhere cold/ until you find it there and lead it back home::wake me up inside/ wake me up inside/ call my name and save me from the dark/ bid my blood to run before i come undone/ save me from the nothing i've become::now that i know what i'm without/ you can't just leave me/ breathe into me and make me real/ bring me to life::frozen inside without your touch without your love/ only you are the life among the dead::all this time i can't believe i couldn't see/ kept in the dark but you were there in front of me/ i've been sleeping a thousand years it seems/ got to open my eyes to everything/ without a thought without a soul/ don't let me die here there must be something more/ bring me to life:: [evanescence]because i am: so numb without a soul, sleeping somewhere cold. please don't leave me here to die.
it hit me when i walked into the church. flowers lining the aisle of the huge cathedral, and there at the front -- him. so still and so cold, dressed for the very last time in his air force uniform. a simple rosary draped over his now lifeless hands. his eyes were closed; they won't open again. never with these earthly eyes of mine will i again look upon him. i didn't reach out to touch him. i didn't whisper any last goodbye. a single tear fell from my eye and down the front of my dress. i felt nothing: numb without a soul.
i sat through the priest's words. i spoke the words of the prayers. i watched my father stumble through a simple eulogy for his father, fighting back his tears. i followed the crowd out of the church and to the mausoleum. i felt the cold air surround me and blow through my hair as the men and women in air force dress draped his casket with an american flag and fired a 21-gun salute. i listened to the eerie sound of a single bugle playing taps. and then they lifted the casket and set it into its vault. gone. finished.
and i'm left here, left behind again. wondering if love is always rooted in pain. wondering if these tears waiting inside will find release. wondering and trying to understand why i never truly had the chance to know his smile. "hello i'm still here. all that's left of yesterday." i miss you so much.
i love you. goodbye.