bleed
i haven't been sleeping lately. i sit around and mess around and lie awake in bed but i don't sleep. 1:00 in the morning comes, then 2:00, then 3:00. sometimes 4:00. my mind doesn't stop to let me rest. one thought flows to another, which flows to another, so on and so forth. sometimes in those late hours of the night when i'm the only one awake in the house, i curl up on my bed and shut my eyes tight, wrapping my arms around myself in order to keep from shattering. and somehow also wrap my arms around my heart because God it just hurts so much. there are too many things i remember, too many things that time can't heal.i stood in front of the mirror today in my bra and jeans and held a razor blade to my ribs. with every slice through skin, drops of pain leaked through in the form of blood. i have no words for it. i was doing SO good, i had gone so long without it. every scar, i regret. and yet it's never enough. i want so much to be rid of it forever.
i don't know what to ask anymore.
i just want to be ok.
xoxo, i love you all