you can't reach me this time
try not to think about it.but the images are too strong to wipe from my mind, moving like winter winds through my soul and chilling me to the bone. your hands upon me, moving along my skin, leaving marks that won't fade. ever.
so now i sit here, alone, and i'm trying so hard to forget. when it's this way i just want to fade away from everything. i'd rather not be touched by anyone, ever again. just keep your distance, please. i'm so afraid of you....i close my eyes to sleep, for 10, 11, sometimes 12 hours at a time, willing myself to slip into nothingness, any place where i don't have to think about these things, where the images don't flash through my mind. i stand in the shower under burning water and scrub my skin until it's raw. i take a knife or a razor blade to it and wish i could find a way to carve your handprints out of my flesh. the pain would be nothing compared to this. don't tell me it's alright, because it's not.
it's my own downfall because it's my own fault. i've caused all of it.
if hearts had occupations, mine would be a prostitute.