how to deal
"hey dad look at me/ think back and talk to me/ did I grow up according to plan?/ and do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?/ but it hurts when you disapprove all along:: and now I try hard to make it/ I just want to make you proud/ I'm never gonna be good enough for you/ can't pretend that I'm all right/ and you can't change me:: because we lost it all/ nothing lasts forever/ I'm sorry I can't be perfect/ now it's just too late/ and we can't go back/ I'm sorry I can't be perfect:: I try not to think about the pain I feel inside/ did you know you used to be my hero?/ all the days you spent with me/ now seem so far away/ and it feels like you don�t care anymore:: and now I try hard to make it/ I just want to make you proud/ I'm never gonna be good enough for you/ I can�t stand another fight/ and nothing�s alright:: nothing�s gonna change the things that you said/ and nothing�s gonna make this right again/ please don�t turn your back/ I can�t believe it�s hard just to talk to you/ but you don�t understand..."sometimes it's hard to remind myself to draw the line between God and my earthly father (also, between God and my mum). God isn't human. my parents aren't perfect. i can't depend on them for acceptance, can't depend on them to tell me i'm good enough, and that's fine. i love them to death but they are of course only human, and my worth can be found in God only.
(hey thank you jamie, and thank you too for everything john.)