halogen lights
it's saturday and it seems to be the loneliest day i've had in quite some time, the type of lonely that goes beyond reason or explanation and swallows you whole. the kind that leaves you lying in bed in the middle of the day with hot tears sliding slowly out of your eyes and down your face, and every feeling nerve of you aches. so much so that i cannot think straight, i cannot talk to hardly anyone and i keep that shy smile plastered across my face and laugh at jokes that aren't even funny just to cover up what's really inside. the sky was blue and sunny all day but somehow i wished it would rain instead to keep me company. all of the feelings of the past weeks, months, years that i've tried to rinse away and all of the words i've thrown aside come racing back to choke the air from my lungs; the stench of it all pounds against my lowered head. i am so tired and today i feel everything and yet nothing at the same time. i drove down highway 60 a bit too fast and watched the sunset fade into stripes of purple and blue, wondered what it would be like to feel blood flowing from my veins as i felt that every inch of me was screaming only to be loved.only to be proved lovable.
i am tired, of this, and of wondering why when i never seem to find an answer... You seem beyond a stone's throw; helpless hands tied...